The Courage To Be Disliked is based on Adler’s philosophy, which has a very different approach to looking at life and I must say it is helpful too. The book is written as a conversation between a philosopher and a young person – Youth (who is asking a philosopher questions about life). However, let me warn you, the book is a tough nut to crack. Every question asked by a youth and its answer given by a philosopher can make you think and question your own belief system. But, trust me, if you keep reading the book with patience, you will learn great life lessons that will help you solve many of your life problems. Here, goes 3 essential lessons (3 critical quotes from the book): book summary of THE COURAGE TO BE DISLIKED by ICHIRO KISHIMI.
There is no trauma in life
As a normal human tendency, we always stop, cry, and blame others for our worst situation. Then we consider ourselves as in trauma. But it is said in this book that trauma is just our state of mind created because we choose to victimize ourselves.
According to Adler, the past and the future do not exist, and so does the trauma of the past experience. So if you blame someone else for your current miserable situation then you are becoming the victim of the PAST situation. This will not allow you to find a solution to your problem. Instead of becoming the victim of the PAST problem (halt there and cry about it) you must find out what best can be done IN THIS CURRENT MOMENT to turn the situation in your favor. This is called the goal-oriented approach.
Life is always HERE and NOW in this PRESENT MOMENT, and moving further. Therefore, the present moment is the deciding moment. And based on decisions taken in the present moment, you can lead your life in the direction you want to take it. Therefore, instead of becoming a victim, be a game changer.
All problems are interpersonal relationship problems
In The Courage To Be Disliked, the philosopher says all problems arise because we have interpersonal relationships. If there was no one on this planet earth except YOU, then there would be no problem at all. Think of it. Problems arise because we have expectations from others, and we want recognition from others.
According to Adler, there would be no problems in this world, if there is no interpersonal relationships. However, if we are on this earth then we have interpersonal relationships with our parents, relatives, and friends, and we can not escape it.
However, we can solve most of the problems by setting ZERO EXPECTATIONS from our relationships. Stop expecting people to understand you and your situation. Stop seeking recognition from others. ZERO EXPECTATIONS from others can make you help yourself better and sets you free.
Have a separation of tasks
The courage to be disliked says, what other people think of you is not your task. Do not interfere with others’ tasks by thinking about ‘what they think of you’ or ‘what will they say about you’. This way you asking for their validation. That makes you unfree.
Similarly, you can only guide others to do something. They have the right to take a decision based on what they think is correct. You don’t have to interfere in others’ tasks by forcing them to take the decision that is according to you correct. By doing this you will only create problems in your relationship.
Like, parents can guide their kids about what is good for them as a career option. Beyond that, there is no role for parents to interfere in kids’ decisions. However, parents, most of the time break that limits and force their kids to do certain things against their wishes. This creates resistance in their relationship and the child takes decisions under the influence of parents that he/she might regret later. Parents can have a separation of their tasks by guiding their kids about what is good according to them and letting kids decide on their own what is good for his/her. Later if kids come back for further guidance then parents can guide them.
If you interfere with others’ tasks then, problems will start. Learn to separate the task by asking questions that ‘Who will get benefit from doing this task?’
A book summary is never a replacement to read a book. I admit that I might have failed in summarizing this book due to my limited thinking ability. But the book is a fabulous read, and I highly recommend reading it. Here is the link to the book. THE COURAGE TO BE DISLIKED: https://amzn.to/3jZ8x9
This post is created to inspire you to read the book. This book definitely will be proven as a life changer for you. Hope you like the summary of the book THE COURAGE TO BE DISLIKED by ICHIRO KISHIMI. Don’t forget to Subscribe to this blog to get such informative posts straight into your inbox.